Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Chain letters, Cancer, and Unicorns

What is wrong with Facebook these days? Let me count the ways. In case you missed the obvious ranti-ness of my opening sentence, let me alert you to the obvious...I'm a little fed up.

Now granted, Facebook never clearly defined itself to me in my many years using it. Is it a gaming platform? It must be from the numerous requests I get to play Amish Mystical Wordy Farm Townville. Games just aren't my thing anymore Facebook, but in all your spying worldly knowledge of me you didn't know that? Is it a way to keep in touch with long lost loved ones? Is it picture storage? Is it a way for Mark Zuckerberg to become fabulously wealthy? (Ding-ding-ding)

Here is a sampling of things found on my timeline, or whatever magical horse hooey they're calling the stream of consciousness that runs a river of muck through my electronic devices:

Press Like if you think Cancer should be cured.

Well, who could possibly not do that?

But I've GOT kids, so if you think I'm pressing like so yours can get a puppy...well..you're safe. I also will not vote because I think your puppy is the cutest.

 

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN FOOLED BY ADVERTISERS BEFORE, SO I THINK I SHOULD CLICK ON GERARD BUTLER'S ABS BECAUSE FOR $10 HOW COULD IT BE A HOAX?

PLAY POKER

PLAY AMISH MYSTICAL WORDY FARM TOWNVILLE

PLAY POKER, BUT NOT THE SAME AS THE FIRST ONE.

I love how Facebook says the above are "Suggested" posts? So, who suggested them? Where is the suggestion box where I can "suggest" a few of my own.

IQ Test...if you're brilliant name a game, vegetable, word, toy, movie, etc. that doesn't have an 'a' in it, or maybe this time it does. First time, fun, not as much after that.

New profile picture..."hey I can make a camera phone AND a mirror work, jealous out there vampires?" Please, like anybody believes in Vampires anymore! (Twilight is over, right?) Is it more pathetic that you need your friends to comment on your self-portrait OR that your friends weren't around to take a picture for you...you know one that doesn't show the flash on your camera going off?

Hi, you don't know me, but I was adopted. I'm looking for my birth mom. (Oh, you're gonna hate me worse in a minute) While the first time I saw this, I thought it was a novel idea, but then it became a bigger trend than the Harlem Shake and everyone is forwarding. After the first one, it becomes noise.

Are you prepared to hate me yet? Ok, I can wait.

Press LIKE if you want to see a unicorn come out of my butt.

Realizing that unicorns coming from ones buttocks is rather painful, please LIKE if you want the unicorn to stop.

 

 

 

Ooh, how about the racial slur that I will take down if I get enough votes. Seriously folks?

If I had more space and energy, I could rant for days about people who check-in everywhere and take pictures of food, but...well...I do that.

What's the difference between a Meme and a Mimi? Well, one is a poorly made-up fat ugly blight and the other was the chick from Drew Carey's show. Ok, I get the cleverness, but some of these things are just over-done and over-shared.

I'm running out of steam and the NyQuil is taking over again....so prepare to be offended....

When did Facebook become an Amber Alert? Please don't get me wrong, if my kid was missing I'd be going crazy. But posting and forwarding these Amber Alerts on Facebook is like passing out leaflets in a fox den about a missing hen. I pray for each and every one I see, but like the adopted kids discussed previously, the alerts become noise, if this kid is in California, chances are the majority of my friend base on the East Coast aren't going to have seen them. It seems like Twitter would be a much faster and better medium to do this, but for some reason I don't see them there?

 

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/like-for-heaven

 

Hey, by the way...like my page, please! You know, like, hit LIKE, like you're from the valley from, like, 1984. Gag me...no, that wasn't gangnam...

 

Finish the Sentence Friday

Linking up this week with Finish the Sentence Friday. The sentence is "You want to know what I think of social media? I think..."

 

36 comments:

  1. This is a great post! I love the last picture. I can't stand the guilt trips/Jesus jukes. If you feel like hoppin', our Finish the Sentence Friday topic is social media, you could link this post up. The sentence is, "You want to know what I think of social media? I think..." or something like that. It goes live, Thursday, 9pm, CST. This post would be perfect!

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  2. facebook not my thing, yes I use it but it is really hard to get around it these days

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  3. I absolutely hate the posts asking for likes. It seems like everyone is doing that now, even news organizations, "like to send your best wishes to so-and-so who got shot." Umm. No.

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  4. I had a similar blog rant several months ago. I HATE being told that if I don't share something on my wall then I don't care about orphans, Jesus, or abused animals. I never share them whether I support the cause or not.

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  5. I have a Facebook page but I really dislike it and don't update it much. I read somewhere, and I agree, that having lots of friends on Facebook is like sitting at the popular table in an insane asylum.

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  6. Ugh. Right? I've had to unfollow or unlike a few organizations because they are just chatter for chatter sake.

    WG

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  7. But Brett, I thought you didn't like orphans?


    WG

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  8. I try to keep my "fan" page to just be updates for posts and that is done automatically, so I kind of leave it alone. Fester, flounder, or flourish...it does it by itself.

    WG

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  9. Totally great addition to our linkup and glad you took Kate up on her suggestion. My husband would so love this post, because he hates Facebook with a passion. Me, on the other hand, has a slight addiction!! Thanks seriously for linking up with us!!

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  10. Thanks Kate for the invite! I will be reading more to be sure.


    WG

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  11. I think Facebook is a good concept, but one that is becoming abused by its master and its users.

    WG

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  12. My favorites are the pictures of horrible things followed by "like if this should stop. Ignore if you're a bad person who probably has sex with sheep."

    I don't have sex with sheep... But I don't want to like this lame attempt at attention either.

    It's a trap.

    Facebook is not to be trusted.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  13. LOL - It's awful and overused and Facebook drives me nuts. I ignore all that shit!!!

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  14. Like, like, like. I am nodding my head as I read every one of your 'rants'. I have always felt guilty that if I don't hit the like button it means I don't want cancer cured. Really, I ahve enough in my life to worry about but there it is! Found you via the FTSF link-up and glad I did.

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  15. My husband thinks Facebook is the devil and the reason for everything wrong with the world. :)

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  16. My husband and yours could shake hands!!

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  17. Thoroughly enjoyed your rant! I knew when you said prepare to be offended I was gonna enjoy it, and I did - love the heaven/hell pic!

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  18. Stephanie SprengerMarch 1, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    How have I never seen your blog before? So glad you linked up with us, because I LOVED this. Seriously, it is rare for me to laugh (you know, out loud?) so much during a post, but I just couldn't stop. Each sentence got better and better. Click like to see a unicorn come out of my butt...like for heaven, ignore for hell...I'm laughing just typing this. Please link up with us again! I'm following you on Twitter now, and don't worry, I won't say something pathetic like, please return the favor and follow back. That's not how I roll. ;)

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  19. Oh, that's how I roll though!

    Thanks for the kind words. I have low self-esteem and only truly believe when people comment on the "historical documents" or, ya know the old crap I wrote. Ha! Thanks for dropping by.

    WG

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  20. Good thing I have sex with sheep...keeps me from having to like all that stuff.
    Awkward....


    WG

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  21. You are so right. Like anything else, most things are clever once.


    WG

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  22. Glad you found me as well. I am constantly lost. Please alert my kids that I've been found...again....sigh.

    WG

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  23. Not sure I'd go quite that far. Mostly it's just the users who act like sheep.

    WG

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  24. I'm glad you're not easily offended, that bodes well for our future...

    WG

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  25. I have a personal Facebook, which I rarely use, except to snoop in people's photos and read the staus updates from crazy people. It's great entertainment!

    But I will nevet like a post if they use manipulation. Just like I never used to forward emails that did the same thing. Pet peeve!

    Very funny!

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  26. Ha yes! I believe Scary Mommy recently did a post similar to this. People are so ridiculous with their "like this if ___" posts. No better than those stupid chain letters that threatened you with bad luck if you broke the chain.

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  27. I am clapping here as I so agree with you............

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  28. This was awesome! Love, love, love it. I love how you approached the social media thing by focusing on how stupid the stuff going around Facebook is. I am always surprised when my relatively-clever friends actually comment on those stupid "you're brilliant if you can think of a ______ in _____ without the letter "a" in it." Mostly, I hate them because I always mentally do it in a second and think "yup, I'm brilliant." Great post!

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  29. Yeah, Facebook has become like Chain Letters.


    WG

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  30. But with the oven mitts, right?


    WG

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  31. Yeah, I do it in head, but it's always less than a second. I think I'm brillianter.lol.

    WG

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  32. I would do anything to NOT see a unicorn coming out of your butt.

    But I agree with you. For me, Facebook is a wonderful way for me to realize how big of a hypocrite I am as I scoff at random people who post pictures of their pets, babies, and food.... then I post countless pictures of my dog, and "like" pictures of my nieces, nephews, and food that my girlfriend cooked.

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  33. Hypocrite...
    Kidding. Glad you voted down the unicorn, I didn't get enough likes.


    WG

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