Come sit on the couch and eat couscous with me
If puking were like rain in the forecast, chance of pukrification would be 10%.
|I probably won't think that's funny tomorrow.|
2. Happy - Happy is obviously the next stage. Happy is subjective. I become happy, others become quiet, some become sullen. I like to think of this as happy.
At this stage, for the happy folks, jokes are funnier. Your words may become slightly slurred, but only certain words. Did I mention this will be funny?
The people who become quiet are likely perceived as listening intently. I know someone who is normally boisterous and when drinking becomes quiet. The quiet is disconcerting, but they don't edge into becoming an ass.
You may reach this stage unintentionally, for instance, being thirsty on a hot day might lead to overindulgence in the beers. Caught early, the wise drinker will switch to Water, Ice Tea, or Soda.
Chance of pukrification 25%
|Moves like STAGGER.|
For me, this stage is where you will find me discussing my sobriety with myself in the mirror of the men's room. I will say things like "I'm not drunk!" and believe it based upon whether I laugh. There will be head shaking pursuant to a determination if I have moved to the next step.
Chance of pukrification 50%
|Fly like an eagle...|
This is the beginning of the "beer goggles" stage where as opposed to your being God's gift to women, ANY woman is a gift to you and you may wake up next to one that you had not intended to previously. You may also in this stage decide to switch between wine, beer, and hard liquor.
My story begins with my 18th birthday. Having missed the grandfathering of the drinking age change to 21 in Maryland, I felt robbed. My sister had grandfathered in and had a party for her 18th birthday. In a senseless act of kindness, my parents decided to allow me to have a much smaller get together with 2 friends who had to turn in car keys.
I performed two miraculous feats that night.
The first was slowing down time. Yup, at the height of my intoxication I was found on the couch in the family room jerking my head (keep your mind out of the gutter) from one side to the other. I was amazed that it took the room a full 2 minutes to actually catch up. I was like The Flash only in slow motion.
My second miraculous act was flying. Now, some will tell you that I, in my intoxication was feeling for the walls to keep myself upright, but believe me... I got air! All through the house I flew, I even flew up a flight of stairs. My flight took a lot out of me and I napped on my friend's shoe...with his foot still in it.
Much to the chagrin of my friends that night, the second alcohol run was cut from the schedule due to my reaching this stage. They may have forgiven me by now.
Chance of pukrification 90%
|Lucky bugger, towel to rest his drunken head upon!|
I have a fine example of this in my senior year of high school on spring break.
We took a class trip to South Carolina to the beach. It was a fairly uneventful trip from most aspects. On the final night at the beach house, when most cleaning up was occurring, a game of quarters was started. I was wicked good at quarters back in the day and I was game, but due to the previous story, I was a bit sour on beer. It was decided that as a substitute to the half glass of beer, I could take a shot of rum. A fair deal given my talents for the game and aversion to the hops. As the game proceeded, my talents fell victim to the Rum and my growing inebriated state.
At one point, reportedly, I asked one of the girls to play with us and she declined saying that she didn't drink. In my liquid confidence state, I proclaimed that she could play and if I couldn't get her drunk, I would make her pee a lot.
Yeah, smooth...I Know!
This same night after consuming upwards of 17 shots, again... reportedly, I passed out. When I awoke, I was in the bathroom on the floor, in my own vomit. When I reviewed my condition in the mirror, I realized that I had twin bruises on my cheekbones and wondered with whom I had fought. I asked my classmates and laughingly they told me that in my state I had begun banging my face on the floor to keep time with the music.
I feel confident that I was still drunk the next morning and slept much of the trip home.
Chance of pukrification 100%, most of which will happen while drunk.
What's the drunkest you've ever been?
I'm hooking this post up with DudeWrite and if you haven't yet, click that link, go read some fantastic posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.
Then on Sunday Night, or Monday go back and vote... I know it is a lot to remember, but I have confidence in you. You get three votes, use them wisely on posts you've read and enjoyed.
WINNA WINNA CHICKEN DINNA!