Thursday, August 9, 2012

Bringer of Conversity

So, recently it was asked of the community over at Dude Write the following question by ThirtyFlirtyFit:

Well, if there is one thing guys will do, it is to rise to a challenge.

Ms. Fit should consider herself lucky that she did not invoke the all powerful double-dog dare! She would have found herself in our service even after our proverbial tongues are removed from the icy metal playground pole. (ok, that almost didn't sound right and if you had two meanings in mind when reading it, I meant the cleaner one!)

She said "bring it!"

Men are generally going to have one of several problems carrying on conversations with women on dates. Now because it was twitter, we could assume Ms. Fit was intentionally leaving out the "on" to save on characters. That said, she seems to have plenty of the 140 left, so I must conclude that she was intentional that she wants a man to "carry" the conversation, as in lead said word fest.

1. Men have long been told to listen to women. We aren't good listeners, but we also know that talking too much is a sure sign that we aren't listening. Are you saying that our moms' lied to us, you don't want us to listen to you?

2. Our topics aren't likely to overlap... thankfully I married a woman who likes sports. A "man's man" is likely better able to converse about the fantasy wide receiver prospects in the upcoming NFL season than the last book we read. We can cheerfully identify any car driving by (well, except me) and tell you it's horsepower and JD Power ranking, before we'll have any clue about a Nicholas Sparks movie.

3. Men think differently than women. You've read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, right? Yeah... we haven't. We do much better with Yes/No questions than in the abstract. Ask a guy, "did you like the movie?" and you'll get an answer. Ask him about the social significance of movies in the modern culture and you'll most likely get "I like movies." That isn't to say that men can't answer a similar question, we just normally have difficulty with more abstract questions. Think of it like colors, we have red, while you have mauve, rouge, tulip grove, crimson, ruby, maroon, barn red, fire engine red, firebrick, etc. (yeah, I had to look up the names). Dare I say we have black and white, while you have 50 shades of grey?

4. Ok, here's a secret that will likely get me kicked out of the Junior International Society of Men (JISM)... We'll listen to and jabber on about whatever you might be inclined to discuss, just to get in your pants. This has much further reaching implications. We will lie. I'm not proud of us. I'm often not one of us.

5. We are intimidated by your beauty and become tongue tied in your presence. (OK, if you actually thought that was real, please see #4 again)

Given these reasons, I suggest to Ms. Fit and all the fine Dude Write Impressive Mademoiselles (DWIM...really got a find a better acronym) the following advice:

1. Date someone you are already friends with. I can't fathom the odds of a blind date working out, but roughly I'd guess the same as being struck by lightning, twice, while at the lottery office claiming the big prize on your birthday, which is Leap Day...and a Tuesday. Yeah, that often. Don't expect that because you're hot, you have to find someone of equal hotness.  Think about being with your best girlfriend (umm, the guys certainly are) and the kinds of things that you can honestly share... now go find that in Dude form.

2. Where ARE you finding your dates? If you are a bookworm, a bar may not be a "target rich environment." Sure, you might get lucky like Mrs. Mynd did, but I don't care how rich you are, girls twice struck by lightning are going to strike out at a bar.  If you're more inclined to be at the bar, its probably best not to latch onto Mr. "Checking Out Dostoevsky for the 15th time" at the library while you're picking up your lottery copy of 50 Shades of Grey.

3. Give your date a topic ahead of time. Preferably not in a blunt, "pick me up at 8 and we'll be discussing the Theory of Relativity and Einstein's lack of sleep." Better would be a "I can wait to see you, (always an excellent start) Did you watch the President's speech last night?" Best would be, "Did you catch the (insert sporting event) last night?"

4. Decide whether everyone has to be knowledgeable about a topic. And there it is. He doesn't think you want to hear about Fantasy Football. If that is all he can bring and you don't care, well maybe that isn't a love connection.  I expect that Mrs. Mynd will want to talk about things that really aren't on my daily radar, but I follow along and try to ask questions.

5. Start date conversation with "Why do you think men might find it difficult to have a conversation on a date?" I mean, if he can't answer that he'd better be hot and great in the sack.
This, my friends, is why I am the triple threat.

Dude Write
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If you've not been there, click on the link or the button.  Then create yourself a calendar reminder dealie to go back on Sunday Night or Monday and vote for 3 of your favorites.  I'm sure you'll want to just vote for mine, but ALL the entries will be good.  You CAN still vote for mine, though.  You WILL, right?


  1. Word.

    When women realize all this, we well be that much closer to world peace.

    Dr. Laura said it best, "feed them, thank them for being badasses, get naked-they will then be your man-puppets". I'm paraphrasing, Dr Laura isn't that awesome.

  2. This is not a problem of mine. Not having something to say has never stopped me from talking.

    I am aware of the fact that my mouth will dominate a conversation if left unchecked so I try to keep it under control, but when given the opportunity to talk, I will.

  3. My problem was never an inability to talk, as you might gather from my Chubby Chatterbox moniker. My problem has always been when to shut up. And I've learned the hard way that women don't want you to solve their problems, they just want you to listen. Over and over and....

  4. I personally think that it is too much of a generalization to say 'guys don't carry on a conversation.'. If you are compatible, then you find things to talk about. Thats why I like your number 1 & 2 advice. Of course I want to be with a guy who I find attractive, but for me, it is equally important that he be my friend and I'm certainly not looking for him at the bar!

  5. I never have a problem about holding up conversations on dates. Like Mr Brett Minor its the too much talking that I have to control. Maybe Ms Fit is looking in the wrong place

  6. All women know men are not talkers unless they are Sorry just joking don't want to upset any gay You know that is a big reason men get they don't have to have conversations

  7. I now know that I know zero about women, please disregard anything herein.

  8. Yeah, I'm a talker as well.

  9. Oh, preach it. Don't solve... Just listen.

  10. I'm not down on Ms. Fit, I've read her blog and she seems to be an idiot magnet, so I hope she finds true love with someone who can have a conversation.

  11. You're so bad Jo-Anne!

  12. I met my current girl online.

    Not at a dating site, on World of Warcraft. I was friends with her husband and became friends with her.

    This is why I don't give out dating tips. I don't practice what I would preach...

  13. I read this entire piece, and then realized that I didn't listen to a word you said.

  14. Haha. That's ok recent events suggest I don't know what I am talking about.

  15. Some conversations aren't worth having. Maybe the problem isn't with the men but with the person asking the question. ;)

  16. I'm certainly a better listener than a talker. Unless it's by text or on the computer, then I'm a wonderful conversationalist. But don't tell anybody or the illusion will be spoiled.

  17. Contrary to what you said, men don't actually listen to women. I explained it all in my post, "Evolution: Why men don't listen."

  18. Haha, I hear you Joe!




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