Monday, June 11, 2012

Expiration Date of Texts

We all have things that expire.

Milk expires, eggs expire, anything food related that is left out overnight should expire.

Salt and Vinegar potato chips have an expiration date, which is almost impossible given the amount of salt on those things!

The 5-second rule by its definition expires the food that is dropped on the floor.

Drivers Licenses expire and yet we still have a foul look on our face. Credit Cards expire. Passports expire. Offers of Credit expire.

Suntan Lotion expires. does...and instead of becoming "less-effective" it become sunburn lotion as if it reverses behavior in bizarro world and it is now inviting the sun to cook you. Medication expires. Makeup expires. Condoms expire. Likely in the wallet that should also have expired.

Groupons expire, but still retain their purchase value.

Film expires (Hey Dad, what's "film")

Hair apparently expires... Hair today, gone tomorrow? (so I didn't point out the Hair Apparent, sue me)

We expire. Wow, that was blunt.

What doesn't have an expiration date one might ask?


Twinkies. Actually, Twinkies have a 25 day shelf life. This is the equivalent of 407 in people years, though.



Gallagher, orHey it could have been a cockroach!

Cockroaches as a species don't expire, though the individuals seem hardy as well. Swim in toilets they will. Heat, no problem. A friend actually as a whim, gag, prank... put one in a vaccuum. Not a hoover, but an actual scientific vaccuum. He compared a couple of different bugs actually and the cockroach outlived the others by far.

This was the same guy who would use liquid nitrogen to freeze different fruit and then drop it from the roof of the building. Watermelon was epic in a ice shards of Gallagher kind of way.


Manners such as a well placed "yes, Ma'am" go a long way. We've instead misplaced manners with indifference born of an Internet generation. Manners shouldn't die, nor should they expire as we get older and less tolerant.

Common Sense never expires for those who have it. Unfortunately, it isn't contagious...or all that common.

A good book (about manners and common sense?) should never expire, even though it will be electronicified and Kindle-magicked.

What about text messages? (Or Twitter messages?)

I recently was having a text conversation with the lovely Mrs Mynd and at some point it abruptly stopped. No, I didn't say something stupid and send her away in a snit. (Though I do that from time to time.) This stoppage occurred after a flurry of questions and answers.

I had asked two more questions and the responses stopped. (still nothing truly stupid or unnerving)

4 Hours later, Mrs Mynd picks up where we left off. Not a "sorry, I had to deal with something," no "the boss got on a rampage," and not a single "I just got this text, not sure when you sent it." Nope, she just answers the questions as if time had stood still. The reality is that life and work did get in the way, she didn't just put me on hold.

Now, I am almost famous for not feeling my phone vibrate and I'm not one to have it on crazy ringtone all day long, so I can't talk too much. But, I WANT TO PULL THIS OFF! I want to pick up where we left off in a conversation via text (because I can't remember long enough IRL) after 4 hours. I realize that any answers I might give are crucial for world peace or at least marital peace (and any ensuing marital piece) that I just can't fall behind. I do.

I have to imagine that text messages have a shelf life. I mean, go back in the history of your text messages if you even know how. I can't remember the last time I needed to recall a conversation I had via text. Twitter messages, sure I have some favorites marked, but I don't reference them. So in my mind, as twisted as it is capable of being, text messages expire.

Agree? Disagree? Talk amongst ya'selves. Well, include me by using the comments. I will respond, hopefully before you believe your comment expired. (Beeeeep)



  1. justkeepinitrealfolksJune 11, 2012 at 8:24 AM

    Wait- Twinkies expire???????? I stock my shelves with those for the Armageddon.

  2. I feel like I'm ready to expire today.

  3. I am notorious for being incredibly inconsistent with my texting patterns.  Sometimes I write back within a minute and sometimes it takes me almost a day to respond.

    Yet, I get SOOO angry with people when they take more than 20 minutes to respond to one of my texts.

  4. Some relationships expire However often people do not realise that a relationship has expire and hang on to it way to for food well if it smells off then bin it although things like those  Twinkies which I have never ever tried or even seen in the stores

  5. I am famous among my family for not hitting send, but my family is famous for living in a town not good with reception, so either way there is am extremely long shelf life for each text

  6. That's one way to extend the shelf life.

  7. You've never had a twinkie?!? I'm not sure whether to pity or congratulate you.

    You are right about relationships, though.

  8. I was as shocked as you to find that out. I bet the cockroaches don't want to get stuck with them, so they lobbied for the expiration date...

  9. Wait a minute, sunscreen expires? I have been using the same bottle for three years, and did not know. This explains why it no longer tingle when I apply it, which probably wasn't a good sign, but to me, it meant it was working.

  10. Yeah and expired sunscreen can be worse than none at all. Don't get sucked into buying the huge bottle unless you will use it.




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