This is a story about a scar, a procedure, and a valiant woman or two.
Not long ago, Mrs. Mynd had a radical procedure on her body called a Neurectomy. She had been bothered by a pain in her foot for quite a while and no orthotic molds or creams or therapy were making it any better. The doctors decided to remove the nerve in her foot that was most affected, in hopes that her pain would be relieved. Obviously, the pain was caused by me getting on her last nerve, but I wasn't going anywhere. So under the knife she went.
One might think that removing a nerve would be a painless procedure, I mean...you're removing the thing that sends pain messages to the noggin. One would be wrong in this assumption, heck two would even be wrong... twice as wrong. Lots of pain, with lots of nice drugs and lots of ice was the recipe for relief.
Apparently, Mrs. Mynd comes from a lineage wrought with scar building experience. Her brother and sister both create some gruesome scars, so naturally their older sister couldn't be outdone. This is where you come in to the story...
Because of this scar tissue building skillz, Mrs. Mynd developed a wonderful reminder of her surgery. So large was her scar that she felt that it might pull itself open. When she was seen by the doctor, he said that indeed it would have pulled itself open if left alone. Thus began a rude course of treatment that you will be privy to shortly. Now, I was not present for the initial treatment as it was performed on the way home from her Girls Weekend. I will commend Lainey for taking the first hit, almost literally.
Last weekend began with a visit to the doctor for a second treatment that Mrs. Mynd was not looking forward to getting. The pictures will tell a large part of the story with some additional of my blathering.
|This is Dr. Tim, mild mannered evil...|
Dr. Tim is a friend of the family and upon our being taken to the back, I asked if he minded if I took a photograph before and after the procedure. He was more than willing and added that I could take as many pictures as I wanted and as some of the later shots show, he has a twisted sense of the macabre. Mrs. Mynd immediately asked the most popular question lately... "You're going to blog about this aren't you?"
Umm, ye-heh! My readers are due a good sick evil needle laden post.
|This is the SCAR, it is not a butt.|
This is the sexy heel of Mrs. Mynd. It is not a flat buttocks area. This is as tame as the pictures are going to be, so turn away now if you are inclined. I would offer you the shots of Jameson and six packs of Samuel Adams that Dr. Tim offered us, but you people would take me up on it and I can't be shipping shots and beer bottles... Expensive and probably illegal it is!
|This is the Cold Spray |
meant to allow easy needling
Yes, you can pick up the cold spray at most pharmacy counters. It is great stuff for a kids boo-boo. I think Mrs. Mynd would say that it only makes the needle stick less surprising, the pain is still there. So, in case you're behind... Cold spray to allow the...
|This is the Lidocaine to "block" the pain.|
Lidocaine "block" is supposed to create a little offensive line to prevent the pain from sacking the brain. Of course, nothing says pain like when the offensive lineman show up and sit on you as part of the experience. The super fun part is when the lidocaine is injected it creates a little bubble, that you watch slowly disappear. So, cold spray allows the needle which leads to....
|This is the Betadine, |
not a bloody earthworm
All numbed up doesn't mean you can't feel anything. Much test pushing and poking is required, which by the amount of Betadine you would believe was being done with a rusty nail or a broken bottle. It was at this point that Dr. Tim was injecting the conversation with all manner of medical jargon about skin stress lines, which you are supposed to cut along because then the skin doesn't pull. Apparently, they couldn't do that here else the job would have been half done. We pointed out that a procedure to remove a nerve, shouldn't hurt at all, let alone more after the procedure than before. There was more medical jargon here, but frankly put it to a beat and it sounds like an Eminem rap. It made that much sense to me. Now, you can probably see the next picture and frankly all previous warnings are repeated (which makes many of you eagerly turn the proverbial page!) Cold spray allows Lidocaine block producing Betadine covered pin cushion which leads to...
|This is the needle for the 'roids|
(Ster, not Hem)
Holy Hot Pockets of Hot Pokers! You're gonna what? Hook up the garden hose to the root waterer and jam that in my foot like the yard guy back from a liquid lunch? When the doctor banters around the words "Steroids "and "Toxic" your dreams of Olympic glory are crushed and usually that is delivered in an enema sized needle. So, Cold spray, Lidocaine block, Betadine poke, Big root watering needle can only mean...
|This is the "Juice"|
Dr. Tim is really putting on a show for the good boys and girls of Myndville. Can you hear the Igor voice and the evil laughter? I could. Two of Jose Canseco's favorites were mixed together in the syringe. I'd like to say I remember the names, but I went all Barry Bonds for a few minutes there. So... Cold, Lidocaine, Betadine, Roots, Juice can only conclude with...
Really... Turn away now!
Umm, did I mention that Mrs. Mynd curses like an Italian sailor on shore leave after a pitcher of ale? Apparently she does. I wasn't privy to the epicness of what was heard to visit number one. Word is Lainey is still hearing it in her dreams. One visit was enough for this tough girl to know what to expect and despite her desire to let the poor, evil Dr. Tim have it with both barrels and a heel full of fun, she was quiet and demure and even stoic for her honey. (that's me) It could be that she was loopy from the "block."
|This is the wrap-up!|
And that's a wrap! I hope you enjoyed the story more than Mrs. Mynd enjoyed the experience. A week and half or so before we lather, rinse, repeat...
In case you were thirsting for more gore, here is the post operative photo...