Thursday, March 22, 2012

Scar! Scar! S-C-A-R

Normally I'm rockin the funny, maybe a rant or two. This time around, I'm bringing something new. Fair warning is issued for the squeamish, there will be needles, blood and did I mention needles?

 

This is a story about a scar, a procedure, and a valiant woman or two.

Not long ago, Mrs. Mynd had a radical procedure on her body called a Neurectomy. She had been bothered by a pain in her foot for quite a while and no orthotic molds or creams or therapy were making it any better. The doctors decided to remove the nerve in her foot that was most affected, in hopes that her pain would be relieved. Obviously, the pain was caused by me getting on her last nerve, but I wasn't going anywhere. So under the knife she went.

One might think that removing a nerve would be a painless procedure, I mean...you're removing the thing that sends pain messages to the noggin. One would be wrong in this assumption, heck two would even be wrong... twice as wrong. Lots of pain, with lots of nice drugs and lots of ice was the recipe for relief.

Apparently, Mrs. Mynd comes from a lineage wrought with scar building experience. Her brother and sister both create some gruesome scars, so naturally their older sister couldn't be outdone. This is where you come in to the story...

Because of this scar tissue building skillz, Mrs. Mynd developed a wonderful reminder of her surgery. So large was her scar that she felt that it might pull itself open. When she was seen by the doctor, he said that indeed it would have pulled itself open if left alone. Thus began a rude course of treatment that you will be privy to shortly. Now, I was not present for the initial treatment as it was performed on the way home from her Girls Weekend. I will commend Lainey for taking the first hit, almost literally.

Last weekend began with a visit to the doctor for a second treatment that Mrs. Mynd was not looking forward to getting. The pictures will tell a large part of the story with some additional of my blathering.

This is Dr. Tim, mild mannered evil...

Dr. Tim is a friend of the family and upon our being taken to the back, I asked if he minded if I took a photograph before and after the procedure. He was more than willing and added that I could take as many pictures as I wanted and as some of the later shots show, he has a twisted sense of the macabre. Mrs. Mynd immediately asked the most popular question lately... "You're going to blog about this aren't you?"

 

Umm, ye-heh! My readers are due a good sick evil needle laden post.

This is the SCAR, it is not a butt.

This is the sexy heel of Mrs. Mynd. It is not a flat buttocks area. This is as tame as the pictures are going to be, so turn away now if you are inclined. I would offer you the shots of Jameson and six packs of Samuel Adams that Dr. Tim offered us, but you people would take me up on it and I can't be shipping shots and beer bottles... Expensive and probably illegal it is!


This is the Cold Spray
meant to allow easy needling

Yes, you can pick up the cold spray at most pharmacy counters. It is great stuff for a kids boo-boo. I think Mrs. Mynd would say that it only makes the needle stick less surprising, the pain is still there. So, in case you're behind... Cold spray to allow the...


This is the Lidocaine to "block" the pain.

Lidocaine "block" is supposed to create a little offensive line to prevent the pain from sacking the brain. Of course, nothing says pain like when the offensive lineman show up and sit on you as part of the experience. The super fun part is when the lidocaine is injected it creates a little bubble, that you watch slowly disappear. So, cold spray allows the needle which leads to....


This is the Betadine,
not a bloody earthworm

All numbed up doesn't mean you can't feel anything. Much test pushing and poking is required, which by the amount of Betadine you would believe was being done with a rusty nail or a broken bottle. It was at this point that Dr. Tim was injecting the conversation with all manner of medical jargon about skin stress lines, which you are supposed to cut along because then the skin doesn't pull. Apparently, they couldn't do that here else the job would have been half done. We pointed out that a procedure to remove a nerve, shouldn't hurt at all, let alone more after the procedure than before. There was more medical jargon here, but frankly put it to a beat and it sounds like an Eminem rap. It made that much sense to me. Now, you can probably see the next picture and frankly all previous warnings are repeated (which makes many of you eagerly turn the proverbial page!) Cold spray allows Lidocaine block producing Betadine covered pin cushion which leads to...


This is the needle for the 'roids
(Ster, not Hem)

 

Holy Hot Pockets of Hot Pokers! You're gonna what? Hook up the garden hose to the root waterer and jam that in my foot like the yard guy back from a liquid lunch? When the doctor banters around the words "Steroids "and "Toxic" your dreams of Olympic glory are crushed and usually that is delivered in an enema sized needle. So, Cold spray, Lidocaine block, Betadine poke, Big root watering needle can only mean...


This is the "Juice"

Dr. Tim is really putting on a show for the good boys and girls of Myndville. Can you hear the Igor voice and the evil laughter? I could. Two of Jose Canseco's favorites were mixed together in the syringe. I'd like to say I remember the names, but I went all Barry Bonds for a few minutes there. So... Cold, Lidocaine, Betadine, Roots, Juice can only conclude with...

Really... Turn away now!

 

Ouch!

Umm, did I mention that Mrs. Mynd curses like an Italian sailor on shore leave after a pitcher of ale? Apparently she does. I wasn't privy to the epicness of what was heard to visit number one. Word is Lainey is still hearing it in her dreams. One visit was enough for this tough girl to know what to expect and despite her desire to let the poor, evil Dr. Tim have it with both barrels and a heel full of fun, she was quiet and demure and even stoic for her honey. (that's me) It could be that she was loopy from the "block."

 

This is the wrap-up!

And that's a wrap! I hope you enjoyed the story more than Mrs. Mynd enjoyed the experience. A week and half or so before we lather, rinse, repeat...

 

In case you were thirsting for more gore, here is the post operative photo...

 

 

 

31 comments:

  1. Nice shots, is Mrs Mynd getting used to the idea of you finishing moments in your life with "this will be great for the blog!"

    When I was 12 I was running along a garden bed, let's be honest showing off, and I tripped and fell on the wood that surrounded it. I got up and couldn't bend my leg. So I did what any kid would do, cried my arse off for days. Parents finally took me to the doctors and then I went to hospital to have a splinter of wood removed. The splinter was an inch long and a quarter an inch wide.
    Now I have no feeling on the outside of my left knee, but I have a party trick by being able to pin things to my leg ;)

    Hope Mrs Mynd is dancing in no time

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  2. Ummm, thank you?  i guess? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. I think you're a little sick (just kidding) but I sure hope Mrs. Mynd gets better quickly bless her heart. Nerve things are unrighteous stuff to go through.

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  3. Human Bulletin Board... is that in your act yet? LOL.

    Not sure Mrs. Mynd will ever truly get used to it, nay... get it. But she loves me.

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  4. I did warn you several times, lol. I am a little twisted for sure. Blood and Needles have never bothered me much.

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  5.  Yes, you did, but I've always had an unusual fascination for the macab, lol. If you tell you not to look, I will. lol

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  6. Hey is that a tat I see on Mrs. Mynd's foot? If so man, she rocks. I love tats. What is it and maybe you can do a blog on that some time, hehe

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  7. Sorry for flooding your blog with so many comments but my ADD has been on the rise this week. I multitask at work and by that I mean juggling work and reading/commenting your blogs (haha) so I just remembered you're the guy with the really cool tats on your arms and wrist. You dat man now, way to rock it.

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  8. That's the hook, of course!

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  9. Thanks. I'm not sure of the connection, but I'm always a fan of floods of comments.

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  10.  LOL, I can never tell if you're just being funny or for real but "Ink Rulz" and "What if bob ross tattooed". I forgot I read those blogs and you have some great tats. I have them and am looking to do another but haven't made up my mind yet. I was wondering what Mrs. Mynd had cuz I noticed on her (gulp) injured foot she had one.

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  11. Well, if you are going to have a scar, that is a good place for one.  Throw a sock over it!

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  12. Well, the placement of a painful scar makes it difficult for certain types of shoes, so hopefully the pain subsides soon.

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  13. She actually has an infinity symbol, but due to the placement and coloring, we call it her "NASCAR" tattoo. It looks like an 8. Her one requirement of the surgery was not to mess it up and they didn't.
    She's getting a pig on her other foot soon. Feet are funny, some people can't stand the tattoo there, but she said it kind of tickled and made her toes twitch.

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  14.  Hey you just don't mess with the tats, they're sacred. BTW any idea how I can get my photo to the left instead of inserting it everytime I comment? Its a pain in the ass to insert every time. Oh and the skin is toooo thin to be doing any tats on my feet. I like them to get them the meaty parts, haha. Low tolerance for pain and all that.

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  15. I have an account on Disqus, so my picture shows up from there. Since you're obviously going to comment forever on my blog (thank you very much) you might just want to sign up with them. Many other blogs use it as well.

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  16. Damn dude she is a trooper.  I can't imagine a worse place to have an injury than on the foot.

    Well of course there are worse places, but I'd imagine that would be a pretty annoying place to have it.

    Thank you for allowing us readers the opportunity to see you guys at your most intimate...

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  17. Yeah, she's a trooper for sure. And thanks for the images in my head about scars in worse places... Sheila told me earlier that she had lost the game...

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  18. From the pictures, it looks like you got off light (not her, I'm positive that hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks, but you).  When I was in the exam room with her he poked her so full of holes that there was blood running all down her ankle, which totally squeaked me out.  And I heard all about her sailor-like swearing during your visit to Dr. Tim as she started texting me expletives when I made the mistake of asking how she was doing via text.  My phone was blushing from the potty language she sent my way.  I offered to bring her a sharp stick with which to poke Timmy, but she declined.   Hopefully, Mrs. Mynd fares better when it is Donna's turn to take her next week.

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  19. OUCH!!!!  i hope she is feeling no pain now!

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  20. I guess that is better?

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  21. For the moment it is better, until next week.

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  22.  I intend to comment FOREVER (lol) but I have to have something to comment on. :(  You and your family have a great weekend and I expect to see something bright and early...one day soon :)

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  23. I say yes, pissing off the doctor that fixes Morgan so often that Tim is on a first name basis with us is definately not cool.

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  24. I know you gave us a warning but bloody hell it looks terrible and looks like it would hurt a bloody lot, I am glad that it isn't my foot...........

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  25. I gave up looking at those pictures about a third of the way through. I am just
    not made for sights such as those...but I certainly do hope that Mrs. Mynd is
    feeling better and that all will soon be well with her poor footie.

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  26. Me too. The games of footsy in bed have changed a lot too!

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  27. Thanks for giving it the top third, I will pass along your well wishes.

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  28. That's alll????  I was expecting worse----of course, my husband took a photo of my son at the moment of his birth via C-section. 

    Well-wishes to Mrs. Mynd-hoping she's kicking your ass soon!

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  29. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...or I could just be majorly desensitized from all the horror movies I've watched over the years. ;)

    Hope Mrs. Mynd re cooperates quickly and has no more problems with her foot. :)

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  30. Like that stopped...she has another foot and I'm always deserving!

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  31. Glad you weren't throwing up or running away. Since Mrs. Mynd has another "treatment" next week, I feel she is making slower progress than she would like...

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