Friday, March 16, 2012

The Guest Who Never Leaves!

The Simple Dude is on a much needed vacation this week and has asked your humble WilyGuy to guest post in his absence on his blog.

Catch me there...

Guest posting for someone isn't something I have done before, Oh the pressure! I have no idea what to write about that is Simple Dude worthy, so I'm just going to discuss guest blogging, opportunities, and generally saying bad things about my blogging.
In the words of Tom Hanks character, Mr. White, in That Thing You Do, "It's very important that you don't stink today." This is after he has finished telling The Wonders, that if K. O. Bailey likes what he hears, he will be playing their record "with 100,000 watts behind it." I think this is a lot like taking my 20 follower style to a powerful 100,000 watt blog like

No pressure, yeah. and. right!

Now is not the time for that which all middle age male bloggers fear, that's right the dreaded CD, Creativity Dysfunction. I took my Cialis, so even if my attempt fails at impressing the millions, I've still got something going on. Now, I just have to wait for the "time to be right." For those of you out there who are in the medical field, don't worry, I am ever watchful for any Creativity lasting longer than 4 hours. On a side note, what guy doesn't watch those ads for Cialis and Viagra where they discuss this warning and not think "I'd be THE MAN!"

I'd tell you that I digress, but since I do it a lot, it seems kinda pointless...but I digress.

I've been called up from the minor leagues and I hope to be Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh (without the Susan Sarandon thing) or Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn (without the car stealing in prison thing) even Jose Canseco (without the steroids or saying stupid things to the media). I'm an all-star in my own right, which coincidentally is on my blog, but the chance to play in the blogging majors is one that I cannot pass up on.

Sure, I've never seen the exploding breaking balls in the big leagues, but just once I want to stand in against for the best bloggers and just before I get ready to write, I'd wink, make 'em think I know something they don't.

I've read all the best blog books, paying particular attention to the ones written by anonymous male bloggers who might someday let me guest post. Those books say that guest posting is one of the best ways to get noticed. I'm also lead to believe from other sources that self-aggrandizement is bad and self-deprecation is good, but worse of all is using the big words...dangit!

Here are the top three reasons not to read my blog (are you stupid man? You're supposed to be telling people why they MUST read your blog every day, even if you use run on sentences and don't post every day!) on a regular basis:

1. I'm a dude. A dude with a serious simplicity complex. In a world of women bloggers and a BlogHer movement, I'm a lone male voice crying out in the wilderness. Ok, maybe I'm not alone, but I am crying. I also admitted to wanting to be a woman, strictly for blogging purposes of course.

2. ADHD is as good as my admitted maladies get. I don't have an undiagnosed illness mental or physical. I'm not dying any faster than the rest of you (that I know about). I do have a thing for squirrels seen and unseen.

3. I am not stalking any celebrities. I don't have pictures in my cubicle of Nathan Fillion and frankly, didn't even know who he was until Bloggess and "Jen" e Sais Quoi 'introduced' him to me. I have no need for Foreigner to make me a sandwich or any other band for that matter. I do hold a serious Viagra moment torch for Salma Hayek, but I don't stalk her on Twitter or Facebook.

4. I can't count, I rebel against rules, oh and I don't curse a lot.

Caving in to the pressures of the readership (and hoping to spin up my word count as if I were still in grade school and 'blah' written 495 times turned a sentence into a small essay... but I digress (did I mention that I do that often...)) here are three imperative awesome great good reasons to read my blog.

1. Words mean things! And fortunately for me, they also mean other things and I frequently take the other meaning and run with it like Forest Gump beating Carl Lewis and Usain "in the membrane" Bolt in the hundred.

2. I have a family that says and does nutty things that make me laugh and are sometimes very laugh-worthy. They also are the victims of some of the worst possible government initiated random crapitude, which allows me to rant like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation.

3. I love me some punctuation. I've written entire posts about parenthesis and ellipsis. Both are used extensively, likely incorrectly, and with dramatic flair.

That link again to My Guest Post on Simple Dude

BTW, Thanks to Good Youngman Brown, I've Lost The Game...


  1. dropping in from the simple dude :) nice post there ... u definitly got over the "
    Creativity Dysfunction "  xD :)

  2. Thanks for coming by. Comments are always appreciated.

  3. Just read the Daddy Dentist and left you a comment. To this one, i LMBO as usual. My family says and does nutty things all the time and I forget to write them down. I guess thats my ADD showing. We laughed last Sunday till my jaws hurt the next day over crap happening all weekend. AND to cap my weekend I'm hit on by an old perv in a parking lot that I was hit on five years ago in the same lot and who hit on my sister and her co-workers a  week earlier. He stopped  me and started his spill about needing cleaning done and I stopped him immediately with 'I'm not interested and you need to get the @#$$ out of here." he took off. I swear my sister and I were going to sit in that parking lot the next day till we had his license plate number but then family came over and we forgot...ADD...again. And there I go again....:)

  4. I forget way more than I remember to write.
    Glad you enjoyed both posts.

  5. I have poped over from the SimpleDude's blog to see what the guy who wrote the awesome tooth post was all about, and not because said simple dude to me if I do not come here he will hunt me down and yell at me but I am taking no chances so here I am. Your blog looks like it may be interesting and a tad funny so I think I will come back, ok I don't think I know I will be back is that scary me coming back............I hope not as I am a lovely woman just ask anyone who doesn't know me very well and they will say yes Jo-Anne is lovely..............but please please do not ask my family they might tell you the

  6. Funniest comment. Ever. Thanks

  7. Well done mate, two good posts with a good amount of exposure there

    Hope its converting for you :)

  8. I've picked up some followers, hopefully they become regular readers / commenters.

  9. I just found your blog.  Love it! I wish you would link in this post to the other posts on parenthesis and ellipsis that you mentioned but I will go on the search and find them. I'm kind of weird in my love for grammar but my mom was a Librarian and I was an English teacher so it comes naturally. Eats, Shoots and Leaves is an awesome book if you like that stuff!  Although if you read anything I write these days it probably is full of grammatical errors b/c my brain is fried after 4 kids!! However I still love it and not too many people write on the subject so I'm going to find them.  

  10. I'm glad you found your way here. Welcome.

  11. Don't know how I missed this post, or the actual post on SD's blog.

    You're awesome.

  12. Wow! High praise! Thanks.

  13. I'm a pedantic type, so I love punctuation too. I do hate ellipsis but enjoy parenthesis occasionally. 

    I can see why this post went viral :) (Yes, it's the Cialis mention. NO, just kidding) 

  14. OH, man... not ANOTHER hit... just kidding (sorry for overusing the ellipsis in my reply)




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