Tuesday, February 7, 2012

What If Bob Ross Tattooed?!

World Peace through Soccer
Fresh back from new ink, I had some interesting conversations with the artist as he worked on my ink.

In case it isn't clear, this is called "World Peace though Soccer" and it is so named after a T-Shirt that I had for a long time in my Twenties.  It featured three images and was not nearly as wicked cool as this ink.

Soccer has been a large part of my life from the tender age of nine when I strapped on my first cleats.  My parents wouldn't let me play football, but given that I probably weighed 60 pounds, it is no wonder.  Sparked by this first year, I began a lifelong journey that has further framed a large part of my life.

My dad and sister began playing shortly after my first season and my dad began refereeing at the same time.  He worked his way to becoming an 'A' referee in the area where we lived.  For the layman, this meant that he could referee all the way up to Division III collegiate games.  Were it not for his late start, he could have gone much farther.  Though he had aspirations for me to become a referee, my nature is to pick sides and that isn't great for an impartial judge.I had a glorious season as an assistant coach at a church school nearby our house.  When I became a father, I was further rewarded with coaching my sons along with some other great kids.

I have played outdoors, indoors, men's league, and coed. I have had indescribable joy sharing professional games with my dad as well as with my wife.  I have watched World Cup qualifying matches and World Cup games on the television.  I have watched the American Women win a world cup.  I have watched the American Men come closer each year to being taken seriously. My love of the game has grown over the last 37 years. My hope is to one day see a World Cup Final... in person.

Interesting Conversation with PJ : If Bob Ross was a Tattoo Artist

Now we just need a big ole dead
tree right in the middle!
After telling PJ that one of the evenings this week, my DVR and television choices had been spent watching back to back episodes on New York Ink, which we agreed was like Survivor: Tattoo meets Jersey Shore, followed by back to back episodes of The Joy of Painting.  Eclectic choices for sure, but mostly art related.  We then began to ponder what Bob Ross would have been like all inked up and doing tattoos in 30 minutes.

It's clear that Bob was stuck on a limited pallet, like his clothes were stuck on the seventies. His Pthalo Blue would war against the so much stronger Prussian Blue. Choices would be tough between (Dick) Van Dyke Brown and Dark Sienna.

One of the things about Bob has always been his deep soft voice, but that simply doesn't fit a tattoo artist. It would obviously still be there, but more gravelly, like James Hetfield, the Garage Days years. 

Welcome to The Joy of Tattooing, I could care less that you're watching or not. Today, we'll be inking a Happy Little Skull. Maybe we'll have a snake crawling out of the eye socket, I don't know. You know me, I gotta put in a big ole snake.

When you're inking the swastika, make sure you use the criss-cross strokes. 

Ok, here's your bravery test, there's your snake, crawling out of the left socket. Maybe in our world, he's got a friend, even snakes gotta have friends. Yep, there he is coming out of the ear hole. We don't know where he goes, we don't really care. Gotta have snakes, they cover up a multitude of sins, oh who am I kidding they are the sins.

Today we're going to add a little devil tramp stamp on a 50 year old 20 year old wannabe. We'll get to use a lot of Alizarin Crimson even though it is very strong. Little minions, got a have a lot of them little doers around a devil. Just a happy little devil floating around above her whale tail. Yep, just like 'at. Don't forget to chuckle all evil like, you gotta make the little evil laughter or it just doesn't work.

Tomorrow, we ink up a big ole mountain of a trucker with a big ole Jesus. He's gonna look like me, with less Afro. Ha, even if the hair is a little big, we can fluff it. He might kick my lanky ass, but remember that I might have a happy accident make no mistake.

 I've decided that Tattooing should be like Amway. I found my artist from a co-worker's girlfriend.  Should she get a taste of the Tattoo fee in the form of a "finder's fee?" And now, when I in turn send work to that artist, I should get a "finder's fee" which of course I need to share with my upstream "finder."  Seems logical, yes?

 If you're in Baltimore area, look for PJ at Art With A Pulse in Glen Burnie. 410.766.4255 

Dude Write

Why wouldn't I put this into the Starting Lineup for Friday's Dude Write?


  1. Great post..nice tat, too (hahahahaha...get it?). And I love Bob Ross...we still watch him sometimes if we're feelig homicidal and he calms us right down.

    I also like the new look here.

  2. Hey.... I see what you did there!
    Did I capture all the Rossisms? I felt like there were a lot of them, but hopefully they all got integrated in there. I too watch Bob when the day has been stressful.
    The new look... yeah, believe it or not, somehow that post broke the template albeit temporarily and instead of looking at other posts, I tried to fix it based on that. I stripped everything out and it was still broken so I had to rebuild it... painful, but I got to play with a few settings. I'm going to make a few small changes over the next few days. Glad you like it.


  3. I used to love watching Bob Ross.  In fact, at one point I even took a class at one of the community centers to learn the technique.  Had a couple decent paintings but didn't stay with it

  4. I want to take one at some point, community center sounds cheaper than hoidy-toity art store.

  5. I really enjoyed your Rossisms! lol love your sense of humor :D This is my first time to your blog, came here via Fearless Fibro Warrior :) Looking forward to reading more.

  6. Hey thanks Shannon! I really enjoyed writing that one. So often the ones I like aren't as well received and the ones that I don't feel are my best end up with lots of hits and comments. It is always gratifying when the two forces collide. Thanks again!

  7. I laughed out loud at this! I so wish Bob Ross had been a tattoo artist. That would've been awesome. Him and his happy little skulls. 

  8. Thanks Melissa I had a good time writing that one.

  9. Love your tat...Enjoyed your post too.

  10. My number 1 commenter for the day! Thanks!

  11. For some reason I am now picturing Bob Ross singing Enter Sandman. The mental image has now left me scarred and listening to Metallica will never be the same!

    I wonder if that fro of his would even budge if he tried headbanging? It puts him at an advantage should he be in a mosh pit. Looks more like a battle helmet than hair!

    I bet if he did ink it would tickle rather than sting!

  12. I don't know about tickling, but he's try to make you think that.

  13. Wow WilyGuy, this brings back a flood of memories. Bob Ross.... I remember watching him as a kid and even then I wondered... "Why am I watching this...?" But I couldn't stop. He had such a mesmerizing... creepy presence.

    I know one thing... I wouldn't want to get a tattoo from him. With the way he overlapped shapes and colors.... OUCH!

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

  14. yeah, his wet on wet method sounded pretty kinky. pretty sure I wouldn't want a lot of overlap either.

  15. The whole time I was reading that, all I could do was picture Bob Ross saying those exact things, oh my god, too funny

    It is kind of odd though, at least in my eyes, that people always say, I know a guy who has a cousin, who is sleeping with a tattoo artist. Me, I just say I got a guy.

  16. I'll see your Bob Ross and raise you a Helen Keller. Imagine HER as a tattoo artist?!?

    Very nice ink. You see so many tatts that 'look cool' but don't tell a story. I prefer the symbolic ones myself.

  17. So clearly as normal as you feel, you are really abnormal?

  18. Helen Keller can't hear your pain!

  19. Great post. I remember reading this before, but couldn't remember who wrote it. Now I know.

  20. Thanks. I didn't realize I'd had you that long.

  21. Michael G D'AgostinoJuly 15, 2012 at 1:18 AM

    I don't suppose you watched the Euro Cup final? My Italy went down. Hard.

    I don't know who Bob Ross is, so that whole bit made no sense to me.

  22. Spain is incredibly tough. Italy had in my mind a bit of an unexpected run.
    Bob Ross was a popular painting show host. You can probably find some clips on YouTube.

  23. I'm still recovering from the unfortunate game that was Ukraine vs. England...man, we should've made it!

    Just read up on who Bob Ross was and am trying to picture his way of talking based on the bit you wrote - funny stuff!

  24. For those who have never experienced The Joy of Painting,


  25. No, somebody shared it, and I just happened to click on it. I hadn't actually gone to your blog until Dude Write. I guess just one of those things. I have you in RSS now though.

  26. World peace through soccer? I don't the Europeans have heard about this.

  27. I'd be afraid to get a tattoo by Bob Ross. His soothing voice would lull me to sleep, and he would get carried away while I'm trapped in a hypnotic trance. What initially was suppose to be the insignia for the Empire would end up being a complete outline of the Star Wars universe starting from the tip of my forehead down to my Achilles.

  28. Haha this was awesome. And I hate you for sending me on a "Joy of Painting" binge...

  29. One of the many services I offer!

  30. Yeah, not sure I want to turn over the "canvas" to him...




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