Saturday, February 18, 2012

Watch D.O.G.S. Day

Friday was Watch D.O.G.S. day for me at the local elementary school. Don't know what that means? Check out to get the scoop. The upshot is getting more positive male role models into schools.

Despite that, they let me come anyway.

Seriously, I undertook running a local program at our school. Since Sunday is Princess Sassy Pants' 8th birthday, I decided Friday would be a good day to get free cupcakes be a positive role model. Bring it on. I put my out of office email in full effect and made the day about PSP and her school.

Breakfasty Goodness
My day began catching back to back episodes of Big Time Rush on the tube with PSP. Despite having seen them already, she was thrilled to let me sleep in catch them with me. Then we headed off for some quality daddy and daughter time at Chick Fil-A. After seriously munching on some grindage (Pauly Shore moment brought to you by Pauly Shore, now pay me brother) in the form of the ever awesome Chicken Breakfast Burrito we were ready to tackle the second grade, which is surprisingly hard to tackle, in that "herding cats" kind of way.

I signed in at the school and got my Paw Print name badge as well as my Raptor "not a predator, you got scanned" badge. I wanted a clipboard and a walkie talkie, but alas, I was denied. I greeted the kids as they came in for the day, many with that look of "you ain't seen naughty yet." Then my glamorous Television career kicked off with my introduction on the school morning TV program. I think they may even have some shots of me rocking the pledge of allegiance. They sang America the Beautiful after that and I'm pretty sure they muted my microphone for that.

First duty: bad-ass grounds patrolling. I bring the Randy "Dawg" Jackson to this job. OK, I think the letter of the law is walk the perimeter of the school and check doors, but I gotta add swagger and moves like Jagger which roughly looks exactly like the types of people we're trying to keep out of the school. Let's just saying I was baiting them, you know, in case they were hiding in the bushes.

Then after the grounds were safe, I went all puffed-up-chest routine on the hallways making sure no dangerous objects were in evidence, which loosely translates to tucking backpack straps and coats into the lockers that they are creeping out of.

Then the best part of the day (at that time)... Flirting with the hot secretary in the office. She appreciates my moves like Jagger. Getting a little hot coffee while chatting her up...good times! My awesome(ly funny) moves and swagger like Jagger earned me an invite to a happy hour with some possibility of taking her back to my place, oh yeah!

Makes me miss breakfast a little more...
Though I didn't participate in Recess this time around, I got some lunch with the Princess. Pepperoni Pizza, Salad, and Chocolate Milk was on the menu, and unlike my childhood...I was buying! I did have to sit in the smallest chair ever made and my knees were not enjoying repeatedly hitting the table while in the equivalent position of a catcher's squat. Though the meal was less than stellar, I got to ogle the hot secretary some more as she channeled her Attila the Hun while patrolling lunch duty. This was entirely necessary because at times the lunchroom felt like prison dinner and I'm pretty sure one of the Kindergartners was ready to cut me. He was waving that spork around like a shiv. I was a little scared.

Lines? Where we're going
we don't NEED Lines!
I got to do some coloring. One of the teachers conned me with a "want to make me a sign?" followed by "do you know how to use Word and WordArt?" PLEASE, I'm in IT in the 'real world'!


And then the world of "lines" came back into my purview. Actual non-electronic art is not my forte. I was sitting trying very hard not to let the ADHD spur me to greener pastures, but I am a D.O.G. of my word and I worked my way through my perfectionista persona and the evidence of my hard work is pictured here, and that's a fact! (not just my opinion)


And we're walkin'

I had no idea that the building was that big or that I was on my feet that much but numbers don't lie. The app for MapMyFitness seems to take some liberal interpretations of coloring inside the lines as I certainly crossed no roads while inside the building, though some classrooms were construction zone loud.

Speaking of things you can do on your feet AND my moves like (Jimmy) Swaggart, yeah I worked a serious chicken dance with the Kindergarten class and I'm pretty sure I was memorable. I'm out on a limb, but they're going to do that dance at their weddings in my honor!


Then I went all OCD...

So they have a class schedule that is impossible to follow because instead of periods, they allow each grade to set a schedule, provided they fit in all the work and they work around pre-defined lunch schedules. (so the K class doesn't scare the 4th grade)

Well this thing was awful! I know some serious work went into it at the grade level, but I can describe it and can't show a picture, so you'll have to go with me on this. I was ready to install Microsoft Project just so I could rock a nice Gant chart or something. Instead I rolled with Excel and made each column 5 minutes, then I compacted the columns to 1.00 in width. I then counted and recounted and used merged cells to represent the big chunks of time and put class names into those blocks. As an added bonus, I color coded the classes so they really pop. Of course, if they don't have a color printer, I'll be returning to color in with crayola markers...ugh.


PSP enjoyed the day, all that counts!



  1. You might want to mention that the hot secretary was Mrs. Mynd before some of the readers who don't actually know you freak out. Unless, of course, you were referring to Mrs. Over The Bridge, the office eye candy. :-)

  2. That is very cool of you.  And a very cute kid you've got there :)

    Additionally, that Mapmyfitness app, does it take up a lot of your battery?  Assuming it is constantly tracking your GPS, I would assume that it does...

  3. Oh, all right, you caught me.

  4. Thanks Youngman. I like her a little bit.

    The app is great, but yes it does a number on the battery. I used the app a lot for bike rides. They make a battery that is supposed to add about 8 hours to an iPhone. Like $50 or so.

  5. I never understood "moves like Jagger", does that mean you were doing a Rooster Walk around the playground? :p 

    And why the song is more Dance than Rock and Roll...But that is a pretty awesome program. My mum is a teacher, a class full of 7 year olds, and she finds the hardest thing is getting parents interested in their child's education.

    But some of my friends are high school teachers, and they have have a problem with parents taking TOO much opinion, and not enough interest in their child's education.

  6. Yeah, we see a lot of parents ignoring the whole thing all around, but then they want to get involved to decide what and how it will be taught...
    And yes, I move like a wounded rooster on the playground, but that doesn't sound near as sexy as "moves like jagger" and was probably difficult to rhyme in the song too.

  7. Ground Control to Major Tom, we hear you!




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