Tuesday, February 14, 2012

True Love and Other Horse Hooey

Boys and girls, do you all have your flashlight AND the extra batteries? Today's trip into my mind is going to seem very dark.

In tribute to the wretched masses angsting over February 14th and how to properly celebrate it, I say... Don't!

(and loneliness settles in on Myndtopia?)

Let's start with Cupid..and when I say "start with," I mean get my 12 gauge. So boy sees girl, little cherub shoots girl, or boy with magic arrow and they fall in love, provided that he buys chocolates for her on February 14th.
AS IF...!

Next we turn on to St. Valentine. So the church sainted some guy centuries ago and we remember him by buying a romantic card for that someone special we are in love with on February 14th each year that we just met.
AS IF...!

Love At First Sight is tragically not represented by some fun little cartoon character that we can turn more shells angst upon. The idea is that you see a complete stranger across the room, your eyes meet and instantly you have someone to buy flowers for on February 14th.
AS IF...!

Just because you can't explain love or figure out love doesn't make it any more magical than eating Lucky Charms. Stop buying into the nonsense.
Florists, Hallmark, and Russell Stover are the cause of a major Valentine's Day Massacre on your wallet.

Don't let them!

Hollywood wants you to believe in True Love and you see it in all the movies. Let's face it, if True Love was accurately portrayed in Hollywood, Jonah Hill would get the girls and Brad Pitt, George Clooney and basically the entire cast of the "Ocean" movies would be lonely pathetic one night stand artists.  Well except for Bernie Mac, RIP. (And the techie guy who should have been played by Mr. Hill.)

Face it, if Hollywood had any accurate portrayals, we'd see a lot more laundry being done, a lot more bathroom activities, and a lot more eating while kvetching about the size of hips, buttocks, and thighs.  So why do we believe these pathological non-laundry-doing, non-dropping-friends-at-the-pool, fasting-and-not-getting-fat liars about love and all it's magic?

Dang people, Genie was magic in Aladdin and he couldn't make anyone fall in love with anybody else (so don't ask him)... Why do we think Ryan Gosling or Amanda Seyfried can?

Princess Bride has an archaic, but much more accurate portrayal of love (twu wuv) than most movies. Wesley, the farm boy, uses the words "as you wish" whenever Buttercup asks him to do menial things like fetching a pot.  She doesn't understand it at first, but you can see that she is flirting with him as she asks him to do things that other people would say "do it yo damn self!" when asked. Turns out "as you wish" meant "I Love You."  The life lesson here is all about putting up with the crapola.

The Notebook, because I've watched it despite the peril to my man card, seems to be about something magical. This guy is so in love with this girl that he would do anything for her.  Well, that means waiting for her to make a bunch of mistakes with other dudes. For some reason, THIS girl is worth the crapola she brings with her.

You: So clearly, there is magic, right?

Me: Nope. I can't explain what makes us pick the particular person we do, but the key is that they are worth the shiznit that comes with them.

You: Wow, if you weren't crazy, that would sound like a lot of work.

Me: ah, but I am, and it is, and so worth it.
Love is an action word, a verb.  It's like Google only mushier. It's a whole lot of work. It is setting another person between yourself and your desires. It's not expecting that action to be returned.  It's not caring whether your needs are met. It's a responsibility.

Think of a baby.  

If it's your baby, you love it.  Not because it is hot and looks good in a teddy. Not because it is a great provider. Not because it buys you flowers. Not because it takes you to nice restaurants.

Baby doesn't think about your needs at all! Baby gives you no sleep. Baby cries when you are trying to get your groove on, if you're not too tired. Baby is ceaselessly self-absorbed, to the point of not realizing it is self-absorbed. Baby doesn't care. Have you fed me? Have you changed me? Have you tip-toed around so I can sleep, even though you can't?

Clearly, you don't love Baby!  Ok, perhaps you do. Is it magical? Did Cupid pull off some Rambo arrow shot when you looked at baby? Did some long dead saint whisper in your ear? Did baby bring you chocolates? (no, those AREN'T chocolates) It's not any of these things!

You know in your heart that you are responsible for that baby. If it will experience happiness, it will be because of your work. You decide each and every day that you're going to love the baby. You put your desires on hold for the baby. You have no belief that you're ever going to see that love completely reciprocated, yet you keep loving.

It is intentional.

And so it goes with the one you court and marry. Don't let the 14th of February be the start and end of your affection and intentionalism towards your spouse. It should be the just another day of a great romance where the stripes of your efforts are warn proudly.

The circle becomes complete when that person chooses to put your needs between themselves and their desires. This dance is truly amazing when witnessed first hand. It's like an apology contest.

Him: I'm sorry you're cold, I turned up the heat and I'm not sure why it isn't warmer.

Her: oh, I know you're always hot, so I turned the heat down.

Him: I'll be ok, let's turn it up so you're warm.

Her: it's ok, I would be cold with as little as I am wearing. Perhaps you can snuggle up and warm me.

OK, I made that last one up a little bit, but I'm sure you get the idea. It's all about the hard work people!

I'm writing this on February 13th to be automatically posted on the 14th. I am doing so because I want to avoid as much of the specter of this nonsense as I can.  That and I'm taking Mrs. Mynd out for dinner for no other reason than I love her...no seriously.


  1. I agree with you. I just told Seththat it's not what he does for me on Valentine's Day, it's what you do to show me all year...it's the "as you wish." Well stated, Scott...I hope you and Mrs. Mind have a lovely dinner.

  2. Actually, I think the massive release of cortisol and seratonin into your system after giving birth is what makes you love and take care of Baby (at least for us girls).  But, if you see things differently, then as you wish.

  3. It was quite lovely, we hit our local mexican spot just before the rush. Other than people watching us eat, hoping we would just finish or die...it was quite nice.

  4. Well played Lainey!
    Fortunately, it's just the massive rush of testosterone that is to blame in the first place.

  5. Nicely said. Hubs and I don't make a big deal over V-Day, though sometimes we get a card for each other. We try to focus on the every day stuff and it's worked for 14 years so I guess we're doing something right.

  6. That's great! Thanks for the comment and welcome to MY Mind.

  7. Love is all about intent. Great job!

  8. Thanks for the comment. Intentional Love is my goal.

  9. Wow, I can't believe a man actually got this one right!!! Kudos to you.

  10. Thanks, I'm a sensitive dude...




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