Monday, February 6, 2012

Spicing Up My After Death

...Oh I don't plan to be hanging out with the zombies or the other not-as-alive corpses.

Conversation with my wife and son (Teenwolf) the other day after returning from a funeral of the mom of an old friend :

Me: I don't like dead bodies.  I certainly don't want to be buried when I die.  I have nightmares about being buried alive.

TeenWolf: But you'll be dead.

Me: I also won't be here, but no burial.

Teenwolf: So you want the big oven?

Mrs. Mynd: Don't worry, we aren't putting him on the mantel in a pot.

Me: Yeah, I don't want an urn.  Maybe just a coffee can.  When you go someplace cool, you can grab a pill bottle of my ashes and scatter them wherever you go.

Mrs. Mynd: I'm not scooping you into pill bottles, so you better make the arrangements to include pre-filling the bottles.

I wonder if such arrangements can even be made?  What is the weirdest non-celebrity death arrangement request?  In talking with Jay of Jay's Ramblings this weekend, the perfect solution has been determined...

Each canister will be filled with a small amount of ashes.

Conveniently marked with an "S" in case you forget who is in there... (the P could be short for so many things and the people who never really liked me, but faked it well enough to get an invitation to the memorial service could get those)

So, are you going some place nice that you're sure I would have enjoyed?  Sprinkle.

A little in the Ocean, I loved the Ocean.  How about the Mountains, sure! Sprinkle. Sprinkle.

Stuck for something to do with me, just set me on the table in a restaurant... I loved a good practical joke.

And for those in the category of haters, dump me down the toilet... Nemo taught us that all water leads to the ocean.  Perhaps you want to take me out to the landfill and toss me in the air for skeet practice, do it... I loved gun sports.

The worst thing you could do to me is set me on the mantle...

And, no, I'm not dying... any faster than the rest of you anyway.


  1. Ewww!  Can't you just pick a place to be scattered?  Must your loved ones cart you around like the world's grossest spice.  Granted, Mrs. Mynd has a fondness for salt shakers and even has one on her desk at work, but do you really want to sit on her desk waiting for some unsuspecting soul to mistake you for a flavor enhancer?  I like the idea of putting you in a coffee can and burying that in the backyard.  Treasure hunters, be careful opening that can.  It's not a time capsule, not someone's forgotten stash of cash.  Oops! You got a little Mr. Mynd on you.

  2. That's so dirty! You should read and proofread, lol. And I think we know Mrs. Mynd likes her salt way too much to use the Mynd Shaker.

  3. I have already informed my sons that I want to be preserved and kept in a lit (flattering lighting, of course) glass case that they alternately (six month rotational basis) keep in the living room as a coffee table. while they may feel free to put their feet up on it, I would prefer coasters be used in order to prevent bothersome rings from their drinking glasses.

  4. Unless they're large and well placed drinks?

  5. Get your mind out of the gutter and your ash off my table, salt shaker man!




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