Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Your Idiot Friend Tax Time of the Year Reminder

Did you get one of these emails this year?

Dear {insert your name here},

This year, I am challenging myself to do {insert some stupid physically demanding idiot act} in support of {insert some debilitating disease or hunger experienced by some random large number} of children. 

Your contribution which in no way forces me to do this ridiculous thing, is tax deductible and without it I won't be allowed to participate children will starve or be cold or die of some ridiculous disease that should be curable by now.

Thanks so much in advance for your work to support this idiotic personal achievement worthy cause.  

Your lifelong friend,

{insert friend's name here}

What they're really saying is do you want to donate some money, with a promise that it is "tax deductible," thinking that doing so will inspire them to do something they wouldn't ordinarily undertake, forming both halves of a perfect win-win.  Really, we all know you will forget said donation at tax time.

But I reminded you.  Don't you like me?

And we send this blank letter to hundreds of our email victims friends acquaintances.

And why do we send this email?

Do we do it for : 

Is it for the cute kitten at the ASPCA, or getting pasted by some nine year old in a 5K. Let's face it, they're both cuter than you. And your friend.

It could be about starving little rascals from some country that has a Slav in it or possibly muddy morons being electrocuted for the satisfaction of a beer and a t-shirt.

It's unlikely to be about a 100 mile bike race in a fish suit for you, any more than its about kids with cancer for fishman-do here.


Happy Special Olympics power lifter or this guy? Does he know you aren't supposed to take a dump in the Polar Plunge waters?

In all seriousness, here is to the idiots who believe enough in a cause (or are just stupid enough to be talked into it by their slightly more involved yet equally stupid friends) and their tax deduction needing yet caring friends, acquaintances, and victims of much caring spam.

Now, do you donate or perform the stupid pet tricks?


  1. As a Type-A person that is pathetically addicted to signing up for crap, I lead a bunch of little girls to grow up to be our future leaders, through our Girl Scout Troop.  God, help us all. Seriously, a teensy little background check isn't too much to ask, is it? Oh wait, they did that.  I guess being snarky and horrifically inappropriate isn't illegal.

  2. I am the one who donates to watch my idiot friends do the stupid human tricks.  Maybe that makes me the sucker, but I sugar coat it with, "It's for a good cause" and "Ha ha (Insert Name) is gonna make a fool of himself again and it's so worth it."

  3. I hear what you are saying, and I am the kind of person who loves crazy adventures and physical challenges. I hate it when some of the events require a "donation" over a specific amount otherwise you will be unable to join in. Just call it an entry fee and be done with it.

    "Its all for a good cause," I hear people say, sure it is, but when things are done to "raise awareness" they then start to give me the shits. Raising awareness does a shit ton of nothing.

  4. "are they made with real girl scouts?" always think of that line.

    Autocorrection Typos courtesy of iPhone

  5. I'm far more likely to do than pay. My personality is more do stupid than pay stupid.




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