Monday, January 30, 2012

Please Return to Your Box

"She's got a great personality."

"I like you as a friend."

"It's not you, it's me."

"God bless his soul."

Have you heard one of these statements? Have you made one of these statements?

Why don't or can't we say what we really mean? We employ these filters when we speak with the intention to spare other people's feelings. In reality, the filters leave us looking hollow or shallow because they become repeatable trite answers that don't fool anyone.

The loose translations are as follows:

"She's got a great personality." = She is ugly or in some way less than desirable physically.

Angelina Jolie likely has a lousy personality, but only Brad has hung around long enough to know. Same thing for Jennifer Aniston... Poor Brad!

(Movie to watch = Shallow Hal)

"I like you as a friend" = He is the last person on earth that she would date.

The "friend zone" is nowhere close to the "end zone." I've seen this one up close and personal, folks. Fortunately, they weren't as hot as Amy Smart, God bless their hearts.

(Movie to watch = Just Friends)

"It's not you, it's me" = Oh, it's so totally you!

As witnessed by George Costanza in Seinfeld, this is hardly a victimless statement.

"God bless his soul" = He is so screwed up that his mom doesn't even love him.

This is a mainly southern expression that seems to allow one to say just about anything to or about another person, such as:

 - She has visited one too many all you can eat buffets, God bless her soul.
 - He is not the sharpest knife in the cutting block, God bless his soul.
 - He just can't sing at all, God bless his soul.
 - She thinks that new makeup makes her beautiful, God bless her soul.

Whatever you do, don't mistakenly use "God rest her soul" for "God bless her soul" because like Joe Biden realized, it can be the wrong usage and yet still very funny.  No, we're laughing AT you Joe, not with you...

So, have you used these filters? Have you used worse? Let's hear 'em!


  1. Carolina HeartstringsJanuary 30, 2012 at 8:17 AM

    Love this.  Funny stuff.  Yes in the South we excuse any forthcoming uglyness with "Bless her/his heart..." and then whammo!  (soul is just as acceptable). 

  2. Thanks for the kind words CH.
    I'm trying to become a better blogger, bless my heart :)

  3. Actually, when I say someone has a great personality- I mean it.  :-)

  4. Any relation to the great man? We try to save the feelings of others but when everyone knows the sub-text it doesn't work. Is there really any need to judge others if it doesn't affect you? Bless your heart!

  5. Too funny! And too true! It's a good thing we can laugh or we might have to cry!

  6. Definitely like your mind. Will be coming back to see how it is progressing.

  7. Lol, great comment!

  8. We all cry on the inside, well except for that time.

  9. Progressing or regressing? Each day is a challenge...

  10. Filters suck.  People should just say what they mean.  Using a filter to try and spare someone else's feelings doesn't work.  Trust me, I've heard several of these enough to know that honesty is a MUCH better policy.

  11. But you do have a really great personality, less your soul...

  12. So, my soul taints my personality?  Sheesh!  

  13. Too funny! And so true. Great post, Scott!




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