Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Movie of My Life

If I were to make the movie of my life, bringing myself and those around me to life AND I got to cast it...

This seems to be a hot blogging idea lately and though I can't be first, or second, the idea comes through Noa to "Jen" e sais quoi to my blog, where I will be bringing my own snark, in three-two-(one)

The part of Mr. Mynd will be played by.. Matthew Perry.
I would have played the part myself, but my SAG membership has lapsed and I can expect an onset of a hernia, like Joey from Friends, oh wait already had the hernia.  In case you didn't know I played "Guy slightly off set when Bill Hurt ran into airplane transport" in Broadcast News (uncredited). Seriously.
Also considered were Marshall Mathers and Anthony Edwards.

Mrs. Mynd will be played by Julia Louis-Dreyfuss.  
She came in to read for the part of the sister, but like Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba, we just couldn't cast her as anything but Mrs. Mynd. No we did not consider Mr. Phillips or Mr. Diamond for the part, we're gender biased like that!
Julia brings just the right amount of unfiltered commentary and a toughness that occasionally cracks just a bit to see the soft caring side.  Plus the "director" thought she was hot. Rather she with grace and aplomb captured the hotness that is Mrs. Mynd.

Teenwolf will be played by... Tobey Maguire
Let's face it, Ryan Gosling has grown up a bit too much to play 17. Zach Efron, who HAS played a 17 year old repeatedly, is too pretty to be the boy next door. Unless you grew up in Hollywood. Macauley Culkin has become just a bit too scary to play a semi-normal teenager.

Tobey was a bit disappointed that he would not be getting to play the part of coworker #3, but was thrilled when told he would not have to play with spiders and thus have the "great responsibility" that comes with "great power."

Shaggy will be played by Alex Pettyfer
Alex brings the boyish good looks, the long locks and the brooding looks that will bring Shaggy to life. Though he has been hardly adorable in Beastly, and hardly normal in I am Number 4 those practiced skills should be an asset in playing our Shaggy. Bringing this character to life is all about being obnoxiously charming, charmingly obnoxious and all the shades of grey (or is it gray) in between.

Princess Sassy Pants will be played by... Victoria Justice
Abigail Breslin would have been perfect about 8 years ago, but she too is just too old. What's that you say, Victoria is too old to play the role? She has astonishing range, come on! 
On her show, she sings, she dances, she appears to talk almost non-stop... That's PSP too a 'T'. And if Clark Griswold's daughter, Audrey, can be younger, then older then younger, then older than Rusty her brother in the Vacation movies, why can't we cast VJ? As a bonus, I get to tell PSP who will play her!

Mom will be played by Diane Keaton.
Reportedly the director loved her in both Something's Got to Give with Jack Nicholson as well as Because I Said So with Mandy Moore. Upon bringing her in for a reading, remembered she was the Mrs. Banks to Steve Martin in all the Father of the Bride movies (all 2 of them) as well as being fantastic in The Family Stone.
Ms. Keaton has demonstrated over a highly seasoned, yet short life the qualities that make her a good fit for the mom character. She is stable, yet when she breaks down something embarrassingly funny comes out.  Her good looks give you no clue as to her actual age. A no-nonsense much needed straight-"man" to many leading men in her career, she smiles effortlessly at their sometimes feeble attempts at humor.

Dad will be played by Steve Martin.
Steve brings that innate ability to disarm you with a smile and a casually quick wit that should bring this character to life. Once a very "wild and crazy guy" Steve has mellowed just enough to be taken seriously in this role.  Sagely advice is dispensed in a you-should-have-seen-me-before-I-was-funny way.
Alan Alda was also considered for the role.

My sister will be played by... UNKNOWN. 
Word is that the director is continuing to search for the right actress to fill this role. Among those considered; Ellen Degeneres, Jane Lynch, and Tina Fay are believed to be the front runners. 
Playing the sister part requires 25% hard work, 25% desire, 25% wit and wisdom, 25% compassion, but 25% zaniness and 25% laughs are a large part of a ridiculously small part of what makes up the role. Mainly we're looking for a seriously funny woman who is capable of serving up laughter and medicine (in shot glasses) all while offering loving sisterly advice that is often one part stick-up-for-you and another part kick-you-in-the-pants.

Jay of Jay's Ramblings will have to be played by Zach Galifianakis
All modern comedies should have ZG. Always something to say, always trying to control your mind like his character in Dinner for Schmucks, Zach will have a hard time with the emotional range of Jay.  It has been learned that Zach has a long standing love of Penguins and may have to be re-cast.
Paul Giamatti and John C Reilly also considered.

The Boss will be played by Cary Elwes, the Princess Bride version.
Another coworker will be played by Keanu Reeves, the Speed version (Whoa)
Another long time reader may be played by Tracey Ullman.

All other characters including all inner monologue will be played by Robin Williams, the cocaine version.

Who's in YOUR movie?


  1. Ooh!  If I get my SAG card after being on "Wheel of Fortune" can I play your sister?  Please, please, PLEASE!?!?!  I promise to both make you laugh and kick you in the ass when needed. . .that's just how I roll.

  2. Where to begin... Matthew Perry may capture the off-beat humor that is Mr. Mynd, but I think early days of E.R. Anthony Edwards could have done the character justice, while actually looking like Mr. Mynd.  Think Goose, but with a little less hair.  Mrs. Mynd is totally captured by Julia's Seinfeld persona, but Cynthia Nixon (if she can play shorter) or Amy Adams could capture the redheadedness of the character more effectively (Never underestimate the titian temper.)  Your choices for teen wolf, shaggy, and her royal highness Princess Sassypants made me smile and I don't know if Jay should be flattered or insulted by your choice for his character.  I would like to be played by either Alex Kingston, Kerri Russell (because they can both handle the curliness that is me), or Kristen Stewart.  Hey, no comments!  If you can be Matthew Perry, I can be the vampire girl.  Just call me Mrs. Cullen. :-)

  3. Uhmmm I don't know. But you crack me up!

  4. You are a shoe in for Wheel. You can totally play the part, provided that the real sister gives final approval...undoubtedly she will be the money behind it.

  5. Catherine Rose StevensJanuary 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM

    This is very interesting and funny. Does the spelling mynd refer to a particular movie or story?

  6. Ah, I can offer a hearty "lol".

    Amy is a bit too ditsy and doesn't capture the full "open mic" part of the role. Cynthia Nixon is a bit pessimistic to play the part.
    If that all works for you, Mrs. Cullen.

  7. Thanks! Hopefully this won't be Joe vs. The Volcano where all the funniest moments are in the blog...

  8. When I created the blog "It's MY Mind" and had to create the URL, I mistakenly typed "its" and the "Mynd" instead of "mymind", and I actually liked it better, so I refer to my wife here has my better half Mrs. Mynd. Not an intentional movie reference (wow, that seems like one of those disclaimer statements Hollywood uses, huh?)

  9. Hmm, Zach Galifinakis is playing me?  While I don't think he quite captures my boyish good looks, he most certainly has my comic stylings.  And I'm sure he'll be able to act that he hates penguins.  I'd also consider Jack Black, since he'd be able to more adequately capture my mad talent on the mic.

    And WilyGuy is so Matthew Perry, the Chandler Bing version.  Julia Louise-Dreyfuss is an apt choice to play Mrs. Mynd.  Tobey Maguire for Teenwolf?  I'm thinking that a hairier version of Jim Parsons fits just a tad better, as he will much more easily capture that quirkiness that is Teenwolf.  I'm not familiar with Alex Pettyfer, so I can't say that he'd be quick enough with the wit to do Shaggy.  If I had to choose, I think go Giovanni Ribisi (he does look young enough).  PSP is totally the girl from Victorious, so you nailed that one!  Elaine could Kristen Stewart, so long as Ms. Stewart can rock the boot!

    As for the director?  Most definitely has to be Judd Apatow, for who else would be able to make the most mundane situations into side splittingly funny?

  10. Oh, yes, your ability to rock the mic... So we're agreed that Gwyneth Paltrow could capture that?
    Jim Parsons? Really? He's closer to the guy who plays Wallawitz.

    And could I (pause) BE more funny?

  11. And that's the EARLY Chandler Bing, the funny years. Not the LATER Chandler Bing who was in rehab, got pudgy and married Monica...
    Autocorrection Typos courtesy of iPhone

  12. Thank you, Jay!  Ms. Stewart DID rock the boot in the prom scene of "Twilight" so she has boot experience and the ability to portray my general clumsiness. :)

  13. Gwyneth Paltrow?!?  That's low man.  Very low.

  14. Having never seen any of the Twilight films, I can honestly say that I did not know that.  I do, however, wonder if she could pull of your clever brand of comedy, though...

  15. Obviously the most applicable Chandler Bing is the Chanondler Bong Chandler Bing.

  16. That's MS Chanandler Bong

    Autocorrection Typos courtesy of iPhone




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