If I were to make the movie of my life, bringing myself and those around me to life AND I got to cast it...
This seems to be a hot blogging idea lately and though I can't be first, or second, the idea comes through Noa to "Jen" e sais quoi to my blog, where I will be bringing my own snark, in three-two-(one)
The part of Mr. Mynd will be played by.. Matthew Perry.
I would have played the part myself, but my SAG membership has lapsed and I can expect an onset of a hernia, like Joey from Friends, oh wait already had the hernia. In case you didn't know I played "Guy slightly off set when Bill Hurt ran into airplane transport" in Broadcast News (uncredited). Seriously.
Also considered were Marshall Mathers and Anthony Edwards.
Mrs. Mynd will be played by Julia Louis-Dreyfuss.
She came in to read for the part of the sister, but like Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba, we just couldn't cast her as anything but Mrs. Mynd. No we did not consider Mr. Phillips or Mr. Diamond for the part, we're gender biased like that!
Julia brings just the right amount of unfiltered commentary and a toughness that occasionally cracks just a bit to see the soft caring side. Plus the "director" thought she was hot. Rather she with grace and aplomb captured the hotness that is Mrs. Mynd.
Teenwolf will be played by... Tobey Maguire.
Let's face it, Ryan Gosling has grown up a bit too much to play 17. Zach Efron, who HAS played a 17 year old repeatedly, is too pretty to be the boy next door. Unless you grew up in Hollywood. Macauley Culkin has become just a bit too scary to play a semi-normal teenager.
Tobey was a bit disappointed that he would not be getting to play the part of coworker #3, but was thrilled when told he would not have to play with spiders and thus have the "great responsibility" that comes with "great power."
Shaggy will be played by Alex Pettyfer.
Alex brings the boyish good looks, the long locks and the brooding looks that will bring Shaggy to life. Though he has been hardly adorable in Beastly, and hardly normal in I am Number 4 those practiced skills should be an asset in playing our Shaggy. Bringing this character to life is all about being obnoxiously charming, charmingly obnoxious and all the shades of grey (or is it gray) in between.
Princess Sassy Pants will be played by... Victoria Justice.
Abigail Breslin would have been perfect about 8 years ago, but she too is just too old. What's that you say, Victoria is too old to play the role? She has astonishing range, come on!
On her show, she sings, she dances, she appears to talk almost non-stop... That's PSP too a 'T'. And if Clark Griswold's daughter, Audrey, can be younger, then older then younger, then older than Rusty her brother in the Vacation movies, why can't we cast VJ? As a bonus, I get to tell PSP who will play her!
Mom will be played by Diane Keaton.
Reportedly the director loved her in both Something's Got to Give with Jack Nicholson as well as Because I Said So with Mandy Moore. Upon bringing her in for a reading, remembered she was the Mrs. Banks to Steve Martin in all the Father of the Bride movies (all 2 of them) as well as being fantastic in The Family Stone.
Ms. Keaton has demonstrated over a highly seasoned, yet short life the qualities that make her a good fit for the mom character. She is stable, yet when she breaks down something embarrassingly funny comes out. Her good looks give you no clue as to her actual age. A no-nonsense much needed straight-"man" to many leading men in her career, she smiles effortlessly at their sometimes feeble attempts at humor.
Dad will be played by Steve Martin.
Steve brings that innate ability to disarm you with a smile and a casually quick wit that should bring this character to life. Once a very "wild and crazy guy" Steve has mellowed just enough to be taken seriously in this role. Sagely advice is dispensed in a you-should-have-seen-me-before-I-was-funny way.
Alan Alda was also considered for the role.
My sister will be played by... UNKNOWN.
Word is that the director is continuing to search for the right actress to fill this role. Among those considered; Ellen Degeneres, Jane Lynch, and Tina Fay are believed to be the front runners.
Playing the sister part requires 25% hard work, 25% desire, 25% wit and wisdom, 25% compassion, but 25% zaniness and 25% laughs are a large part of a ridiculously small part of what makes up the role. Mainly we're looking for a seriously funny woman who is capable of serving up laughter and medicine (in shot glasses) all while offering loving sisterly advice that is often one part stick-up-for-you and another part kick-you-in-the-pants.
Jay of Jay's Ramblings will have to be played by Zach Galifianakis.
All modern comedies should have ZG. Always something to say, always trying to control your mind like his character in Dinner for Schmucks, Zach will have a hard time with the emotional range of Jay. It has been learned that Zach has a long standing love of Penguins and may have to be re-cast.
Paul Giamatti and John C Reilly also considered.
The Boss will be played by Cary Elwes, the Princess Bride version.
Another coworker will be played by Keanu Reeves, the Speed version (Whoa)
Another long time reader may be played by Tracey Ullman.
All other characters including all inner monologue will be played by Robin Williams, the cocaine version.
Who's in YOUR movie?