Friday, December 2, 2011

Flog the Movie Theaters

Who thought that  W i d e  S c r e e n  and front row seats were a fantastic combination?  

I remember my mom used to chastise us for sitting too close to the screen. We'd go blind or something.  Of course, blindness was a common problem or "reason to do or not do something."

Don't sit so close to the TV, you'll go blind.
Eat your carrots, they improve your eyesight, which is code for "you won't go blind!"
Don't look at those magazines in the bathroom for hours, you'll go blind.

It's a wonder I have eyesight at all...from all the too close TV of course...and not enough carrots.

These days, if you go to a premier, you're taking a chance that you'll be sitting in the front row.
Them seats gotta recline a lot more.  The neck angle isn't natural. You're telling me that we can make roller coasters that are marvels of architecture and design, but we can't make these seats better?

Here is my view of Breaking Dawn from the premier the other night:

Don't get me wrong, being closer to Ashley Greene was worth it, even if I had to be that much closer to Taylor Lautner's abs. 

Those ridiculous swirling camera shots during wolf ESP was enough to make me want to hurl like poor pregnant Bella. 

You'd think my wife would be a brunette with all the ones I have posted lately...and you'd be right.  Someday Mrs. Mynd and I will have a picture up on the blog.  I don't know you all that well yet.

The other downside of sitting in the front row with older eyes, they just don't move fast enough to take in the fast moving action.  Think playing zombie apocolypse games on your grandfather's old tube tv.  It just can't keep up.  That stuttering isn't the tv, it's your brain skipping.

I feel like I know about 10% of the movie really well.  The other 90% was in my non-existent peripheral vision.  What I saw was good, but I've never wished to be blind more.  My brother-in-law is blind, but goes to special movie theaters where he can get headphones and have movies audio described (think captions, only they are like audio captions).

Well I'm off to go eat some carrots, because clearly I need them.

Larger font chosen so that you can read this from further away, since you didn't eat enough carrots as a child.


  1. I've only seen two movies from the front row (Jurassic Park at the dollar theatre (yes, this baby faced guy is old enough to have both seen Jurassic Park in the theatres (about seven times, in fact) and been to numerous movies at a dollar theatre)) and Star Wars Episode 1 (or, the beginning of the end of my innocence, thank's George Lucas, ya schmuck whom I forgive).  Neither had the benefit of reclining seats, both were awesome.  But I was younger, didn't need glasses, and weren't prone to migraines.  Hmm, maybe there is a reason that I meed glasses and am prone to migraines...

  2. I totally agree.  I was worried about nausea from the wolf scenes before the movie even started with those front row seats.  The seats don't go back far enough to allow you to comfortable see the whole screen.  However, Mr. Mind (or is it Mr. Mynd? You keep changing your mi(y)nd about the spelling in the blog.)  if your seat had reclined any further you'd have had a whole different experience when the lady with excessive junk in the trunk bumped into your head.  As it was, it looked like your head got a little booty polish from where I was sitting. lol

  3. Wow, I had totally forgotten that! It must have been Jacobs and that made me forget...
    Autocorrection Typos courtesy of iPhone




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