Monday, October 24, 2011

Man Card Rules

Most of us know what a "man card" is, but for those that do not, the premise is simple. At a point in a boy's life when he becomes a man, he is issued a Man-Card which is good for one lifetime. There are a myriad of rules depending upon who you ask governing the issuance, clipping, revocation, and restoration of said card. There are entire websites dedicated to the subject as if it were scientific phenomena.


So the idea is that if a man does something less than manly, he gets a corner clipped. In order to avoid his man-card becoming clipped to the point of looking like a communion wafer, he must avoid similar activities. Examples of activities that are clippable:


  • Knitting or sewing activities
  • Suggesting watching Steel Magnolias, The Notebook, etc.
    "The Notebook, where I write down the Man-Cards I have taken" - Ryan Gosling
  • Being disrespectful to any woman
  • Hiring another man to do any job in his castle that he is capable of, but too lazy to do
Now, man-card restoration is not easy, but it is not impossible. Some professions lend themselves to more restoration possibilities. Examples of activities that will restore a man-card:


  • Anything from Rambo, such as jumping off a cliff and catching yourself with a tree, or sewing up your own bullet wound with no anesthesia!
 

Impossible bow shots must be fully documented

  • Being compared positively to Chuck Norris to include anything that would make Mr. Norris jealous. Being better at backgammon or braiding would not!
  • Running into a fire
  • Running into a firefight
Some axioms to the rules: anything that has a direct one-to-one correlation between an action (no matter how unmanly) and getting lucky has no bearing on overall man-card status, enough said!Unfortunately, alcohol is no excuse for any behavior that could lead to clipping.

Now, on to the subtle points where I believe much research is due.

My first question is at what point does something become such a removal of a man card that it could fully restore said man card? I have to believe that synchronized swimming of any kind is going to be cause, for at a minimum, some severe clipping. What if you won the Olympics for it?

Is there a point at which not caring about the man-card implications is so bold as to be restorative? If Chuck Norris decides to do some Needlepoint, are you going to take his man-card? (you're talking all tough now to the blog, but we know you'll wilt like LeBron in the clutch!)


Roundhouse kick to the man-card!

On to the unreasonably insane:
What if you used a wood chipper to cut up a man card? Would that break the chipper, the card, or would time just stand still?

Dude Write


This just in, I'm caving to the pressure of using an older post or two over at Dude Write. You should check it out.

 

36 comments:

  1. Hey, I found your blog through your comment on mine and am glad I did because I thoroughly enjoyed your post. And, having raised and set loose two young men upon the world, I knew nothing of the "Man Card." I suspect most women are unaware that they're even issued. Thanks for the heads-up!

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  2. The revocation of the man card is a simple process. Another man simply takes it. If that man is unsuccessful in said taking, then the man card is immediately returned to full man status.

    And no, winning in the Olympics in synchronized swimming would not meet the requirements to avoid a full revocation, a clipped corner is much too shabby a penalty.

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  3. I have enjoyed your writing as well. Be sure to include a link to your blog when you comment so that people are exposed to your blog as well. On blogger replies, you have to encapsulate it in an HTML tag like this (remove spaces to make it work):
    < a href = "http:// your . blogaddress . com ">http : // your . blogaddress . com < / a >

    Thanks for stopping by!
    Scott

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  4. Like I said, rule interpretation varies. Thanks Jeff!

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  5. sometimes I wonder if I have occasionally crossed the line to the point of having my man card revoked.

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  6. Does getting off work early to drive your wife and four other women to the latest Twilight movie premiere result in man card revocation?  I think it depends on whether you stay to watch the movie.  :)

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  7. Probably. Does wearing a movie inspired shirt confirm it, probably.

    Sent from my iPad

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  8. hahahaha!!! Trying to distract myself from pain and what do I do? I find a blog(ger) with the exact kind of humor I love and continue reading it.. all the while laughing myself into more pain because you are THAT funny :)

    Thank you so much! (I hate you it hurts so damn much) :P

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  9. I'm glad(?) that you enjoy my writing. It has been a fun wild ride so far.

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  10. I think you are probably safe IF you didn't willingly watch said movie with the ladies :D

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  11. If you read the rules carefully, there is no violation if the infraction leads to action... Might have to put that on a shirt!

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  12. Michael G D'AgostinoJune 18, 2012 at 5:04 AM

    How are you supposed to sew up a bullethole if sewing will get your card clipped? A real man openly embraces his sensitive side, which is why I say we're allowed to do feminine things like watch The Notebook. The only catch is if we cry, we get clipped double.

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  13. Good point there Michael, its an enigma.

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  14. I'm pretty sure I don't do anything that would warrant a clipping of my man card! Although there was that one time I dressed up like a woman....but it was Halloween!

    Thanks for caving and allowing older posts! Makes sense to me as summer is a slow period for some of us bloggers. Plus with Dude write still being fairly new, it gives us a chance to showcase our best work. I would suggest another couple weeks of older posts...just to give us a chance to show off our best. Then new challenges and new material. Just a suggestion.

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  15. Im glad you clarified "suggesting" watching a chick flick, sometimes we are forced to watch that crap for the sake of introducing our nether regions to the lady's.

    Nice post! So is it officially then, we can submit older posts?

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  16. I have a guy friend who keeps track of all of our periods - how's that? lol...

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  17. I'm sad to say this, but my man card must have been shredded as a teen. I'm okay with it though, because it gives me the chance to say "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."


    I love The Notebook, and I don't care who knows it.

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  18. There was also the waxing.... Nuff said, lol.

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  19. Yeah, so few guys are willing to admit watching chick flicks with their ladies.

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  20. Wow, that is dedication? Or insanity.

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  21. Hahaha, you and Chuck Norris doing needlepoint.

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  22. Man card or not, I higher other men to work on my home. Hey, it's a bad economy and I'm just doing my part to help. Besides, I've already done decks, floors, bathrooms, walls, windows, doors, retaining walls, you name it. Now, I'm just done. You can have my man card when you can rip it from my cold dead hands.

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  23. I'm pretty sure given your previous career, you've earned a big enough man card to allow for that, lol.

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  24. I think you should do a 'man card redux' post, explaining the difference between a "Man Card" and a "Bro Card." The 2010's seem to be Generation Bro, and I'd rather call myself a man...

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  25. Oh man, my man card must be severely clipped. I hire other men to do stuff around the house all the time. In my defense I didn't know (until now) that is was a capital man card offense. Also, hiring other men to do the dirty work around the house frees me up to do more writing.


    Good one Wily! (though not as good as manly as mine) :-)


    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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  26. Ah the infamous "Bro Code" which don't get me wrong has its clever moments... I will think on that one.

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  27. I will caveat this by saying that in order for an infraction to take place, there has to be conscious laziness. Look, I don't know how to do quite a few things around the house, and hiring someone else who has the correct tools and know how is smart. Additionally, if it will take me a lot longer to do something, that shouldn't count against you.
    Requiring my 18 year old to pick up dog poop and mow the backyard is also not indicative of my laziness or lack of desire to do said tasks. Though he is technically a man, I require this of him as 'character building exercises.'

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  28. Man code rule 1: 'Tis better to be a man... than to be a bro.

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  29. Haha... 'character building' is fare and usual punishment to impose onto our adolescent children. I concur!

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  30. Well, I saw Brave with my girlfriend over the weekend and actually enjoyed it, but I'm also taking archery lessons in two weeks so maybe I can hopefully document that impossibe Rambo shot and restore some of my man-card.
    Also, I love the Lebron reference.

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  31. And Brave was "research" for the archery of course...

    I guess the LeBron reference is a little dated now, sigh, he was such easy pickings for a while.

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  32. Love this post. This was the first post I ever read on your blog, when you were one of the first bloggers I ever found.

    And look at us now!

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  33. Haha, you're wildly successful an I'm still quirky. Lol.

    Writing makes me happy, when I have the time.

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  34. Summer afternoon—summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.

    - Abn Amro Bank Login

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