Thursday, October 27, 2011

I can do THAT!

Ever have that feeling, glorious feeling, of "knowing" that you can do something others are daunted by? (there I go dangling my preposition again, just one of the many things I excel at (oops I did it again (better than Brittany Spears at that (I also (clearly) excel at nesting parentheses))))

"Britney and K-Fed have two kids, 
talk about 'OOPS! I did it again!'"

I know I'm not playing offensive line for the Redskins, well probably not anyway... but kicker? Oh yeah, that I can do. I'm money inside the 30 and not half bad inside 40, and given a little HGH, I could probably crank a 50 yarder or two. Then I see little Wes Welker playing wide receiver and I think, I'm pretty fast and I run good routes, I could do that.

Wes Welker, yeah I'd let him play on my team...

Then I have those moments where I realize I am out of my league... I'm not going to serve as a translator for anyone, I can't even remember the French curse words that Madame Sielecki taught us. Singing is a no, but I can channel some Vanilla Ice with enough liquid confidence. Oh, and don't pop the hood on any vehicle. It looks shiny but tight spaces and things that go vroom make me nervous. I can add line to the gas trimmer but beyond that, scary!

Do I need this?

But plumbing, oh yeah that isn't hard. Oh and acting? Leo, Brad, and Tom may make you think it's about looks, but what about Woody Allen, Willem Dafoe, and Ron Perlman. You recite some lines, find a spot on stage and you get to kiss some pretty hot actresses! Of course, Brokeback Mountain changed a few of those aspirations. I doubt I could kiss another guy, I'm certainly not making it look convincing.  I could have been Joey, but I think everyone would agree I'm more Chandler (I married the Monica for sure).

Who thinks this blogging is difficult? Nope for me... effortless! Maybe I'll knock out a novel tomorrow. I have been working on a novel for about 20 years now. In fact, anyone commenting on this blog will receive a free signed copy when I finish it. Your grandchildren will love it when my progeny's progeny, the one who is a prodigy, finishes it.

Of course, I jest about all of this because like going over the middle when Ray Lewis is in coverage is way more difficult than it looks, I am sure that every task has its pitfalls.  I can't tell you the blogs I've started, edited mercilessly before they turned out ridiculously funny. (except this one of course).  I'm sure being on talk radio is hard as well with all the preparation and the talking.  Wait, I can do THAT!

How about you?


  1. Nobody is going to testify to my mad skillz with the Field Goals, huh?  no love...

  2. I have totally seen you kick a 50 yarder.  Of course, I might've been a little drunk or perhaps sleep walking, but I'm like 78.334% sure I totally saw it.  Or maybe it was a sick double move that you *almost* scored a TD on in a flag football game.  One of the two...

    Either way, I know I couldn't do it.

  3. It was the 50 yard extra point after 3 penalties for excessive celebration after the double move for the score... Or maybe we were both drunk

  4. Probably!  Drunk, that is.




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